Breathe.

I have this kid who pulls my heart in ways I never dreamed.

Yesterday, he nearly stopped breathing.  And my heart nearly stopped as a reaction.  I'm truly not exaggerating.  My child could not breathe.  He was gasping for air, he couldn't speak.  He was holding his throat/neck and crying (what he could, with no air).  I had to decide in a split second whether to call 911 or get in the car and start driving.

I'm not one to sit around and wait for an ambulance.  At least in the car, I'd know I was doing something.  So his baby sister got dragged out of bed and off we went (daddy was at work, and met us there).

Seeing your child breathe in oxygen, get epinephrine, steroids, breathing treatments and shots is scary.  I've seen it before, I'm kind of an old hand.  Yet, it never EVER gets easier. We've been so blessed the last year or so that he's done so well and avoided so many viruses and illnesses.  He's gone more than a year without a hospital stay.  For years, he was in the hospital more than he was out.

But even with a break, the moment it turns on a dime, the moment it all comes racing back.  I couldn't ease the tension in my neck yesterday, from the adrenaline rush of seeing him like that.  I couldn't focus on anything but him all day.  Even when I tucked him last night, I couldn't leave his room.  I checked on him 8 times during the night, laying my head on his chest.

I had to remind myself to breathe.  And thinking of his inability to breathe, it reminded me to take every breath with an air of gratitude.  There are some who don't get a next one.