My Husband Cracks Me Up

So..those of you who know my husband know that he's a pretty straight-up guy, down to business. But he also has a funny side...funny in that when he gets on a roll, I need assistance to breathe. Here are a few things he's done lately.

At his new job, there are lots of Indian employees. They like to make Indian food at lunch break (there's a full kitchen in the plant). My husband detests Indian food. The smell of curry nearly makes him ill. All of these nice people keep insisting that he try it, have some, share. He politely said, "No thank you" many times. But they kept insisting. He finally said "I'm a vegetarian, I'm sorry" because all of the dishes had meat. If you know him, you know that he is NOT vegetarian. He LOVES his burgers. His chicken. His steak. (in moderation, have you seen how beautiful he is in his new, lean figure?!)

Move down the timeline a few days to the Christmas party invitation. He said he couldn't go (He just didn't want to - it was at a place he didn't want to go, across town, on a weeknight, not his thing). "But we were sure to order vegetarian options for you!" they said.

A few more pegs down the timeline...the engineering staff is being treated to lunch every day next week. They asked him for a list of places he'd like to go that had vegetarian options. Oy vey. He finally had to tell the HR gal that he's not REALLY vegetarian, he just chooses not to eat it most of the time, but that anywhere was fine.

Then, yesterday, our daughter was sick. Neither of us "really" has sick leave yet, so he went to work at 3am so he could get off by 11, so that I could work the afternoon. So at 3am, he pulls into the parking lot (empty, of course) and a police officer pulls in behind him.

"What is your business here at this hour, sir?"

His response. "I make and sell drugs."

"EXCUSE ME?" replies the officer.

Adam, pointing to the building. "I work here. It's a pharmaceutical plant."

"Proceed."

Today, on the way to back to empty out our old house, he stopped at Dunkin Donuts for some coffee. The guy ahead of him ordered 50 - 50! - donut holes for HIMSELF. "Breakfast of Champions" he proudly stated. Adam, in his no-holes-barred-way said, "Are you freaking kidding me, sir? 50? You do realize that's over 2500 calories and 150 grams of fat. For BREAKFAST. Wow." The guy just looked at him. He couldn't even respond.

I sure do love this guy.