Alas, I have made it to my blog. Yes, I've been making it to your blogs - thank you all for keeping me sane! Yet, I haven't mustered the energy to update anything, because everything changes so quickly, I felt it useless.
My mother had a hip replacement on Tuesday. It went wonderfully. Until she didn't wake up....for all of Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday....we saw her eyes and life inside of them on Saturday. She endured hemolytic shock following a blood transfusion. She lived through morphine overload and being administered what is in essence the anecdote for narcotic-overdose. She came out on top - AGAIN - to be told today that she needs more blood. So here it is, Sunday afternoon and a doctor who is "on call" has ordered blood and begun dripping into her body without checking her medical history. Never mind that she had hemolytic shock two days ago. Never mind that she has a terminal blood condition and that we've nearly lost her numerous times to transfusion oversights. Never mind that they didn't give her any anti-reaction prevention or warm the blood. He did what he was supposed to do as a doctor, but details are being overlooked. Details that no one really cares about other than me, it seems. Maybe that's my flaw.
Maybe it's my flaw because in two days, I have my own event to deal with. I'm running ragged trying to take care of my mother and am ignoring my children, whom I won't be playing with for a good two weeks. I'm stocking my fridge, cleaning, doing laundry, calling mom's nurses and doctors and not packing my suitcase. I think that part of me is ignoring what Tuesday will bring for me and just dealing with everything happening now.
Tuesday will be rock bottom I fear. Major surgery, days away from my children, my mother still hospitalized and her details being overlooked. Stress that my 86-year old grandma will try to take my place and have a heart attack helping my mother. Time off work that we can't afford, medical bills that will kick our rears, and dealing with the emotional plethora of fear, regret and angst that comes with having several major organs felt, moved, removed and 8 inches of my skin ripped and repaired.
Do I sound bitter? Scared? I am. These are waters I have never tread before. Yes, the Lord is with me. My husband will astound and amaze me. But the me that I know seems to be losing grip. And only tears remain.
1 comment:
I am praying for you and your mom. I will be gone all day Monday in KC so I will try and call you Tuesday evening. Hang in there! We are thinking of you. Tell Adam to please let us know if there is anything we can do to help.
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