Tomorrow is Nearing

Tomorrow is our son's first "treatment" in the year that we hope will kick him into gear. I am on the fence between excitment and sheer panic. I NEVER EVER imagined a scenario where we would be consenting to another person's plasma to be infused into our child. It scares the holy living crap out of me. Add to that the fact that he's going to have a medical ID bracelet and my husband and I are going to carry cards in our wallets that guarantee him to receive immunoglobulins and blood regardless of insurance, location, doctor, facility, or circumstance and my heart pretty much races nonstop. Tomorrow morning, his "cocktail" will consist of b-cells from plasma, IVIG 1 & 2, prednisone, an antibiotic, and benedryl. It will be the first time we've been in THIS hospital with him since his birth - which also makes me nervous - to take him out of his comfort zone and into the hands of a different set of nurses, doctors and rooms.

But then there's the other side of it. The side that is sometimes hard to bring to the forefront. The fact that if his body accepts it, over the course of the next year, we COULD see an amazing turn around. We could see him actually fighting off illnesses and germs. We could see him missing fewer days of school, feeling good and not wanting to sleep all day. We might be able to go off antibiotics full time and let his body naturally fight everything off. We might be able to go a whole month without missing work.

Because it's easier to focus on the now - the panic over what he has to endure to MAYBE get there. Possible side effects, reactions, possibly spending Thanksgiving in the hospital again. Knowing that once a month, indefinitely, we'll be poking him and injecting this stuff into him. Our front room will double as a hospital room one day a month. And our already nearly existent bank account will shrink to nothing.

Yet when I look at him - none of the "now" junk matters. I'm filled with hope and excitement. I don't care how much it costs, how much work we miss, what we have to give up to provide. I don't think about what could happen tomorrow. I just pray for his body to accept it, for God to grace us with patience and strength and for the doctors and nurses to be understanding, courteous and at the top of their game.

I'm thankful beyond belief to be a mother to this amazing child. And for his sister - who encourages him, hugs me and showers us with hugs and kisses. I'm thankful for my wonderful husband, who is my rock and voice of reason. For my parents, grandmother, sister and her family - for my inlaws, husband's siblings and their families for listening, caring and helping in whatever ways they can. I'm thankful for my church family, who prays and checks on us diligently. For my colleagues at work, who take care of me all day long. And for my awesome God, who gave me all of these wonderful people in my life.