I don't much care for it.
In the last two weeks, I have made quick decisions without putting the usual amount of thought into them that I normally would. "Normally," I would make spread sheets with pros and cons, color code them, survey family and friends, sleep on it, pray, cry, look at the spread sheets again, weigh the odds...you get the idea.
But I decided that it was time to step out of my comfort zone. So I signed up to be a model in a really upscale fashion show. Somehow I figured I'd walk in to sign up, they'd look at me and politely say that they had enough models but thanks anyway. I figured, despite losing nearly 100 pounds and seven sizes over the last three years, that I still wasn't "model material."
And then they handed me the paperwork and said, "GREAT!"
So I went forward, all of my family and some friends are buying up tickets to (gulp) watch. I'm hoping that I fall down the stairs or catch the stomach flu the day before. ONLY, I also dragged my niece into it, so I'm her "guardian" for the 12-hour day full of hair, glamour and work. So I can't let her down. I'll go, do it and hopefully not make a total fool of myself.
Well, is if that isn't crazy enough, I got the itch to down size my Honda Pilot into a more "practical" and "cost efficient" vehicle. We got a great lease deal on a brand new Honda Accord. I was distracted by it's gleen and new car smell. This wasn't quite as spontaneous - we crunched numbers, kept it over night and tested it out with the kids, parked it in the garage, talked for hours about it. But in hindsight, now as it sits in the garage in my name, I have to ask myself if it was the right thing to do.
It's a GREAT car - anyone would be envious - but what they wouldn't understand about our situation is that I didn't WANT a new, sparkly car. I LOVED my Pilot. The new car isn't a status symbol. It's CHEAPER than the Pilot. It's more fuel efficient and it's better for our bottom line. Yet every person I've encountered since acquiring it has said "Wow, you must be doing ok if you're able to get a brand new car," like I'm parading it around.
Did you not hear me? It's CHEAPER. It's a lease because we had to declare bankruptcy last year to pay for our son's ongoing medical bills and no one will give us a loan, so we HAVE to lease, and they don't lease out old cars. I DON'T LIKE IT AS MUCH. It was the GROWN UP thing to do. So stop making me feel bad about something that is already hard, OK?!
I just have to question myself these days. I mean, why not? If I wasn't stressing about something, my family and friends would have my head examined.
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