Premonition Regrets

I seem to have a weird sense of premonition. I know when my kids are going to get sick and don't go to sleep. When something is wrong with Cale, I can anticipate what will come next. Part of it is conditioning and experience, but there is a part that is just the spirit leading.

When I was 9 years old and my grandfather passed away, I had awakened in the night and gone to my cousin's room because I couldn't sleep. Shortly thereafter, the phone rang and then my parents came in to tell us grandpa had died. Again, when my other grandfather died, I came to town and wouldn't leave his side, knowing he'd be leaving us and he quickly did. When my husband's grandmother passed, I awakened very early in the morning and was tossing about when I heard sirens - it was the ambulance arriving at their house down the street from ours. I told my husband something had happened to his grandma, and she died later that same morning.

So last night when I couldn't sleep and kept having bad dreams about my grandmother dying, I knew that something was about to happen. At 4:23am, my mother called me to tell me that my grandmother's brother, my great uncle GJ, had passed away. It wasn't grandma, but it was her last remaining sibling - her last connection to her own heritage - and thus ending a legacy.

My uncle GJ was Great. It wasn't just a title. On a trip to his house when I was young, we went to see the Texas Rangers, thus beginning my love affair with Nolan Ryan. He bought me my first bat - I still have it. We went out on the lake in his boat, went to the book depository where Kennedy was shot, he pushed me on the swings until his arms nearly fell off. His grandchildren, my cousins, Lowry and Jake, were my age and we are in touch to this day. When my parents were going through their health nightmares, GJ and his wife, my aunt Audrey, would call several times a week to check on them, and on us, to make sure we were ok. Even when Cale has had his valleys, they've called to cheer us on. They always talked on speaker phone, so that they could both talk - even though Audrey didn't let GJ get a word in edgewise.

My parents, Grandma and niece went to Dallas last weekend to see him one last time. I so badly wanted to go, but couldn't. Initially we'd planned to go this weekend, but God has timing, doesn't he? I feel bad that I didn't get to see him again. But from what I understand, seeing him in my memory the way I remember him is probably better than having seen what the cancer had done to him. I wanted to call him, but I was afraid that it would be too hard. So I didn't get to say goodbye. If only premonition had hit me a little sooner.

May he rest in peace.