Teachable Moments

The picture above was taken on our son's first day of school last week. We are so blessed with a great rural school with small classes, teachers who are amazing, attentive and loving, administrators who care and know everyone's name (from the students to the parents to the little sisters and brothers, even the grandparents). He's in third grade. How did that happen?

Reality set in quickly after returning from vacation. Earlier this summer, the custodian at Cale's school had a lapse of judgment and made a very poor decision, one that affected his family forever. He went to jail, but was released pending hearing. During that time, he chose to end his life. On the first day of school, we were told that school would be cancelled on Friday, to allow the staff to attend the services for him.

Teachable moment? Yes, but a hard one. My grandmother committed suicide. But I've never had to explain that to my child. They've seen people die, but because of health related issues, or age. This man was in his 40's, and was a high-fiving best buddy to all these kids. It broke my heart to have to share with our son that he wasn't there, and why. It wasn't a full-detail explanation, but it was enough that our son was sad. And that made me sad.

Then last night, just to make sure our reality keeps in check, we asked our son why he was constantly sighing. It was more like really deep breaths, really. He's been doing it for days. We thought it was an OCD kind of thing - he's done it before with nose sniffing and throat clearing - he catches himself doing it, and then he has to think to make himself STOP doing it. He's a kid! But Adam finally said, "WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?!" in a very irritated voice. Cale replied, "I don't know." "Does it hurt to breathe?" daddy asked.

TEARS, TEARS, TEARS. "If I say yes, I know I'll have to go to the doctor, or worse, the hospital. And I just started school." And he fell.completely.apart.

Teachable moment? Yes, another hard one. We had to explain that no matter what your fears are, you have to tell a parent or adult if you aren't feeling good or having a problem, so they can get you help. You can't keep it inside you because you are afraid of the outcome.

So this morning, as if it wasn't on my agenda anyway, I'll be calling the doctor. In the meantime, I'll just sit at work, hoping my duties will keep my mind off my own deep breathing - breaths taken in stress and worry that my son is struggling to breathe, and struggling to understand why his friend left.

Teachable moments are NOT in the parenting manual.