Hurry up and wait

Yesterday was one of those days that kind of suck while it's happening and either has potential to be really great, or really bad.

After weeks of resting and taking anti-inflammatories to get the knot in my left you.know.what to go down, I decided to revisit the doctor. Only this time I went to my primary doctor, not my ob/gyn. I went to discuss some other things going on, but this became the main point of conversation. I expressed how frustrated I was that my GYN made me wait two hours, then felt it for 2 seconds, wrote it off as nothing and said it was because I worked out too much. Ok, so maybe some people would be happy with that. But if working out caused the flare up, shouldn't it "unflare" when I'm not working out as hard? Well, it hasn't. My PCP was floored. "You mean he didn't order a mammo when he felt the spot?" he said. Nope. So he wrote the orders for a L diagnostic mammo. He also took a myriad of blood tests to check things out and biopsied a spot on my leg.

I went to the front desk to schedule my re-visit for the mammo, and they said "Would you like to do it now?" Sure, I'm here, why wait? So at 31, I experienced my first squeezy tests. It wasn't so bad. The waiting is what's bad. While I was in the radiologists' room, doc called back and said to do a R one too, just to be safe.

Simultaneously, my husband was at a job interview. He'd been a wreck all morning in anticipation (he REALLY wants it), suited up (man, he looked handsome) and later came to my office to report. Things sounded positive. This would be an amazing shift in quality of life for him - for US. Better hours, better environment, a little less pay (but doable) and by-golly, he'd be REACHABLE and IN TOWN when things with our son were not good.

Now more waiting.

We sit and wait, praying that I'll get a "No" call and he'll get a "Yes" call soon. We know each other well enough to know that we're both anxious, scared, stressed and can't stand the wait. So we dive into projects or mundane details at home. Our hands squeeze a little tighter, our hugs are a little deeper and the kids are being a little sweeter, knowing how hard it is to wait.

"And those who have knowledge of Your Name will put their faith in You; because you, Lord, have ever given Your help to those who were waiting for you." Psalms 9:10

"When I was waiting quietly for the Lord, His heart was turned to me, and He gave ear to my cry." Psalms 40:1