Roll Call

I had a dream last night that all of the doctors, specialists and people who helped take care of our family just in the last year all gathered in a room and I had a clip board, taking roll call. Here's what it looked like (names withheld, only titles given):

Son's Immunologist (also my mom and dad's)
Immunologist's amazing nurse
Son's Physician
Son's IVIG team (3 people)
Son's emergency surgeon
ER docs in two different towns
My doctor
My OBGYN
My dermatologist (also my grandma's)
Husband's and Son's ENT
Mom's doctor
Mom's hemotologist
Mom's pulmonologist (also dad's)
Mom's kidney specialist (also grandma's)
Mom's oral surgeon
Dad's doctor
Dad's oncologist
Grandma's doctor
Grandma's cardiologist
Grandma's cataract specialist
Papa's doctor
Papa's oncologist
Mother in law's doctor
Sister in law's cardiologist
Sister in law's surgeon
Pharmacist
The Insurance Commissioner
Commissioner's advocate
Blue Cross Resolution Specialist AND
Congressman Jerry Moran

That's an impressive group, right?

I'm not proud of it. I hate it. But I'd also be lost without all of these people. Is it overwhelming? Are you kidding me? I should have gone to medical school - who cares how much it costs. It would have been cheaper than than the medical bills we've shoveled out over the last 7 years.

It's heavy on my mind today. I heard back from the radiologist, and a full ultrasound study is being ordered on my "spot" for next week. The mammo was inconclusive. I don't want to add another name to the roll call, one more appointment to the calendar or one more bill to the never ending stack.

I just want to sit on a beach.