The One

The phone call came in early Friday that my dad was in the hospital with a serious infection. Infection and cancer don't really mix all too well. Mom was also sick, my grandmother without a car, and my sister in Colorado. So off I scurried to take care of it all. I spent Friday at the hospital, talking to doctors, running lab reports around, filling prescriptions, talking to my dad's employer, etc. In the midst of all that, my husband's grandmother is admitted to the hospital with a bleed in her colon - which isn't very good for an elderly woman with congestive heart failure.

I handled the day pretty well, until the drive home. It's the quiet time that follows the hurriedness that it all sets in. I bawled the whole way. It's to the point where my husband's and my employer just accept our chaos and don't really question it, because they can't possibly believe it's true. My boss was super about letting me leave, not that I gave him much of a choice, but at the same, I wonder if he thinks I'm losing my mind.

He'd be right for wondering that.

When I got home, my husband announces that we're moving - anywhere, far away. He doesn't want to be "the one." The way I'm "the one" for my family, and it's ripping my heart and soul out of me. His mother is also "the one," taking care of grandma even though there are siblings within driving distance. She's the one, like me, that gives up sleep, sanity and sacrifices pretty much everything to keep it all together.

I'm not seeking pity or anything, I'm just venting. It was a rough weekend, and now that it's Monday and I have school enrollment, a new daycare for my kids, haircuts for kids and hubby, dinner events for work, doctors appointments, a golf tournament to run and about 200,000 other things to get done on top of making sure everything with my folks is ok. I'm looking at the clock and wondering why I got up! I feel a little like a hamster in a wheel. It's part of being a mom, wife, daughter and career person all at the same time I guess.

I know it'll all be ok, it always is - until the next time. I think I'm just not as good at faking my tough outer shell as I used to be. Stinkin' turtle complex.