2001: My husband and I buy a golden retriever, our first joint venture in marriage. Four months later, she dies of a birth defect. My grandma has a stroke, my grandfather falls off a ladder and breaks several bones while I'm on a business trip.
2002: In May, my grandfather has a garage fire and gets 2nd and 3rd degree burns on the upper half of his body. He spends 6 weeks at the burn unit. In September, the family gathers for my son's baptism and the next day, my mother enters the hospital and stays for over a month in ICU, being diagnosed with a sad concoction of illnesses that have led us down a very rocky path since. We had our first child this year - that's the highlight!
2003: Lots of bad things happen with mom. I can remember one morning at about 3am when "the call" came in, I said to my husband, "what if we don't make it in time?" We did, but that feeling has never left me. My grandfather broke his hip and spent 6 weeks in a nursing home.
2004: My grandfather is diagnosed and dies from lung cancer. I fall and tear ligaments in my knee. My son is sick ALL year and we finally decide to do surgery on our 2 year old. My mother has a HUGE setback and I have to admit her to a special hospital. I left her bawling and yelling at me for abandoning her - I've never healed from it. Thankfully, she doesn't remember it.
2005: My husband's grandmother dies. My mom has a knee replacement and barely recovers from it. After a horrid pregnancy, we have our daughter this year - another highlight!
2006: Mom undergoes a string of surgeries for an infection. Later, they find 12 tumors in her lungs. She undergoes a series of surgeries to diagnose them. Not lung cancer, but we still haven't figured out what they are. My good friend dies from cancer.
2007: Mom spends weeks in ICU bleeding internally following surgery, dad is diagnosed with cancer and undergoes chemo, my husband's grandmother has a massive heart attack and my son has been diagnosed with an immune system abnormality. And it's only July!
Where am I going with this? Ok, on top of being on the verge of a total meltdown, in all of this my husband and I have just been going through the motions, surviving it all. When it all started, we would lean on each other and really connect over it. But when it became part of every day life (as with mom), it just happens and we just kind of get through it. We're coming up on 10 years as "us" and in all of that time, we haven't really done anything FUN, just the two of us! I had a dream last night that we went to Chicago, just the 2 of us - it's his favorite place. We went into a bar and didn't know how to order a drink! Last night, he rented a movie. It was a thriller and I said "I can't watch it before bed, I'll have nightmares." So we went to bed and watched Leno. LAME. In all of the "Life" happening around us, we've forgotten that we're still in our 20's and are allowed to have some fun once in a while.
I'm not sure what to do about it. With his work schedule, our lack of babysitting options and all the outside stuff leaking in, we haven't even had dinner together as a couple since February. The picture above was the last night we spent away from our kids - June 2006. I know all couples struggle with this when kids, jobs, family and committments are involved, but in my case, I'm really struggling. I love my husband to pieces and I want to spend time remembering why it was we fell so madly in love - why we got "the feeling" just sitting next to each other in a movie as teenagers. Maybe there'll be some lag time out there later this year or next year and we'll get the opportunity to learn how to order a drink together! But until then, I'm going to treasure the moments we have snuggled in bed before we pass out from fatigue, talking on the phone at work and romping on the floor with our kids. We might not be alone in those moments, but there's no denying that we're together.
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