One week from Friday, I’m scheduled for surgery. It took me weeks to come to a decision – and honestly, I never really did commit. I polled girl friends, my sisters, my cousins, and moms. I researched on the internet and cried on my husband’s shoulder.
One day last week I got home from work and my doctor’s nurse was on the recorder asking to call her back. When I did, she said “We have you scheduled for this and this and this on February 8.” I said, “Oh, ok. Is that we discussed?” She said, “No, but doctor has made up his mind for you.”
Ok, then. That made the decision easier. I was ok with it. No butterflies started flapping their wings in my gut; no tears started welling in my eyes. Peace came over me and I felt good about it and filed to the rear until the day came.
Then the written literature and check in paperwork arrived in my mailbox. I could have done without the step by step pictures and drawings of what would be happening to me. Suddenly, my chest hurt. The more I read, the worse I felt and the more scared I got. The pictures got more detailed. My heart sank lower.
This is a huge decision for an otherwise healthy, young female to make – even it has been recommended by a doctor. It’s not like being cut open and having a baby pulled out out of you. At least then you have something warm, soft and beautiful to show for your pain. This time, I will go home with less than I came with. And if I have remorse later, there’s no acting on it. It’s a done deal.
I have until I go under to change my mind or make peace. Lord help me.
1 comment:
We will definitely be praying for you. In our new small group Bible study down here in TX, one of the wives has to have another surgery too because of a rare disease (she's like one in 70 or something). So, that surgery's been on my mind a lot lately...
Prayin' for you (and your family)!
T
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