Ok, so he has miserable health issues and on any given day just basically feels like crap. But I've seen the side of my son that is completely endearing, loving and fun. I KNOW it exists. It just seems to exist with doctors, his grandparents, aunts, uncles and anyone else whose name isn't Mommy, Daddy, or Sister. We get to see the sarcastic, angry, miserable, irritating, smug, ungrateful, exasterbating sides.
I'm at wits end. I thought that staying home this summer would be the cure-all. That the days of fun in the sun (I was dreaming), endless activities, snuggling on the sofa and bedtime talks would turn him around and make him more at ease with life. But nothing has changed. In fact, I think things are worse because he feels like I'm readily available for his pandora's box of emotions all day long, instead of just for a few hours in the evenings.
I miss my son. I miss seeing joy on his face. In the next 2 weeks, he has one hospital stay, three scopes, two doctor visits and endless needle pokes ahead of him - and then school starts and the summer - the time I longed for to turn his world around - will be over. I'm glad that he feels that he can lay it all on me. I want to be here for him, but I also need the side of him once in a while that everyone else adores. What I wouldn't give for a smile.
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