Nothing Else to Say

I happen to be the "go-to" person in my family when it comes to the status of my mother's condition. I don't mind being that designated person, but when the phone rings non-stop with "How's your mom today?" I want to just record a message on my machine with the last-minute news and not have to actually TALK to people. Most of the time, people are super supportive and caring, asking what they can do. But once in a while you come across someone that you wish you just hadn't picked up the phone for.

Last night, this was my best friend from high school, with whom I keep in pretty regular touch. We are the same age, but she is unmarried and childless, living for the moment. She saw I was on her caller ID, so she called back. She was calling from her cell, at the Denver airport. She said "Hi, guess where I am?" and then proceeded to tell me all about her 4-days in the mountains, going to the spa, mountain climbing, eating and drinking with her fabulous friends and planning her 30th birthday trip to the Caribbean. After telling me about all this fabulous stuff and how she's thinking of moving to Denver because she can make $100K a year instead of $50K in Kansas, she said "How are things with you?"

"Well," I said, "My mom is in critical condition in ICU on a respirator. I've been at the hospital for three days, coming home only to eat and sleep and see the kids."

Suddenly she had nothing else to say.

I am now to the point where I am avoiding phone calls because I'm just tired of talking. I know people want to know how my mother is, and I'm so very blessed that they care. But I just need a little space. My sister even sensed this morning that I was "quiet." Maybe that's because I had just read her blog, which reminded me that there is a very real chance that the torturous medical issues that our mother endures are hereditary; and that I'd just talked with my dad, who reminded me that he had a doctor's appt today to flush the port in his chest so he can start chemo again in 2 weeks.

Sometimes it's just easier when I have nothing else to say.

..but for those of you so lovingly wonder about mom, she seems to be improving. She is breathing on her own now, and her kidneys seem to be going in the right direction. She has no idea what day it is, why she is there or what has happened. But she does respond with a few words when you talk to her. She has an instatiable will to survive, and lots of angels at the Lord's right hand watching over her. Those can be the only reasons that she is still here today. THANK YOU for your prayers.